heart on my sleeve part 2

so, lets recap. sean meets girl. girl likes sean. girl breaks up with sean because of lack of confidence. sean LEARNS A LESSON. shall we continue?



HEART ON MY SLEEVE PART 2 - Teddy girl.



Weird name? I mean, weird in comparison to "girl with glasses". what can i say? i enjoy leaving hints as to who i'm talking about, but only enough for the actual person to get. i'm sneaking like that.



as the thespian i was, it was essentical for a guy like me to meet everyone. if you had a name and a face, by the end of the day...i had to know it. thats the kind of addiction that don't get fun shows on vh1. i'm addicting to meeting people....and their faces. onward.



it was a sunny afternoon towards the beginning of the year (my junior year to be exact...noticing a pattern?) and as the theatre junkies we were, what better place to spend a sunny afternoon then in a dark, hot auditorium? NO PLACE, THATS WHERE! as i went around introducing myself to all the new faces, like i was getting ready to run for govenor of high school or something. faces and hands and names wooshed by in a flurry of new friends and potential lady friends. when one particular hand, face, and name stopped me in my tracks.



i'm usually not a fan of the whole "love at first sight" thing since anyone can look at another person and smile and feel warm and fuzzy about it. it takes time to get to know someone and find out who they are before you can really appricate them. yet, as her hidden smile and small soft hands connected with mine, i couldn't help but feel...different. a "holy shit, i totally need to talk to this girl" type feeling.



ever made a new friend, and the second you're not hanging out with them, you think "wow....that person is SO COOL. i need to spend as much time possible with them" yeah, it was like that. on a personal note, wouldn't that suck for me if i'm the only one thats ever felt that way?



as the days went by, i got closer and closer to her. i'd like to think that "we" got closer, but frankly, i did all the listening while SEAN was still a mystery. but she had alot to say, and by that time, i was hooked. she could have literally read me the instruction manual for a 1995 Ford F150 truck. i can remember one particular occasion where we talked on the phone from 6pm to about 3 am. for those that can't count, or don't believe in time, thats 9 hours. thats longer then some people are awake each day. granted, i'd end up beating that record later in life, but thats a different entry.

the funny thing about meeting a beautiful girl is that when you notice her.....so does pretty much everyone else. no matter how much i tried and how much i put my name in the "hat" so to say, i was still overlooked by someone better looking, someone smarter, someone cooler. you want to know the best part? all these people that i was being overlooked for.....good to great friends of mine. guys that i had spend a great deal of high school wishing i could be instead of the existance i was living.

BUT WAIT! There's More!

a true breaking point for me was valentines day. we were out of town at a NFL tournament (forensics for those that didn't get the reference right off the bat) and i had stopped at 3 different stores before arriving, just to find the perfect rose. sure, stop no. 1 had the cheapest ones....and sure stop no. 2 had a two for one sale. but it was stop no.3 that sealed the deal. there it was, wrapped up in plastic, the perfect rose, with the perfect steam, attached to the perfect teddy bear.

i snatched that bad boy up, placed it in my bag next to my home made card, and left for my heart-filled adventure. this is the point of the story where i'd like to say everything went awesome. but it didn't. everything went to shit. as i arrived with my carefully considered gift in hand, her hands were already filled.

left hand: dozen roses

right hand: another guy's hand

and...i...was...crushed. who wouldn't be? after all this time, i thought today was the day. the confetti was going to drop from the ceiling and trumpets would play and we would be carried out on a sea of romance. ok, so only part of that would have happened....the sea part to be specific (see skyla, i can spell specific correctly...just can't say it)

SOOOOOOOOOO

Fast forward >>>>>> a few months, and there we were. recently broken up with sean, dealing with his confidence issues and learning how to be a man. recently broken up with teddy girl, with a crushed sense of whats real in the world and looking for someone to listen

wait.....I LISTEN! *raises hand*

(girl voice) "Alright sean, come on over."

And thats how the real relationship began. the spending every moment together, holding hands, walking to lockers, eating lunch together. it was fantastic, and just what the doctor ordered for both of us. but, as most good things are, it didn't last.

didn't last at all.

and thats' where the lesson came into play.

you see, while i was living in my perfect relationship fantasy, she was off with the guys previously stated. if there is anything that could ever crush a young man's confidence the most, its having your girlfriend spend more time with your friends then you. even though i do have sexy friends.

soon, the relationship ended. i was fed a reason that to this day i still question. i was told i had everything to offer, but apparently not, since she was leaving regardless. And to be quite honest, i deserved it. there was only one person in the relationship building it up to be this huge thing, when in reality, it was 2 people who connected and liked each other....and cared...just not as much.

So, thanks to the beautiful girl at number 2, my lesson learned was

THINGS ARE NEVER WHAT THEY SEEM

I learned to take away any expectations I had built up for a relationship, and just let it happen. for better or for worse. people who place limitations on love, are only limiting themselves. NOT LONGER ME.


well, stay tune for the next installment. should be a good one. it involves a storied, years long relationship.....that never really happened. Kinda like St. Elsewhere.

ps. kudos to anything that got the St. elsewhere reference.