ctrl.alt.delete

"I've been lost for so long, no more will to carry on.

So dark and dead and diseased.

Nothing left in the end.

And to pray is to pretend.

I'm tired of trying to believe."

i long for the days when i could fill this space with words and letters that i found important or worth putting out to the world.  i have nothing profound to say.  no life lesson to teach those that probably know more anyways.  as much as i want to get things off my mind, off my chest, off my shoulders.....only the words of others seem to do the trick.

i'm a rather lonely person, both in and out of relationships.  the times when there is no one by my side, i look to others in anger and jealousy.  and the times when someone is right in front of me, i turn away. i want love and i want to be love, but on a personal level, i apparently cant take the responsibility.

and it really is a responsibility when it comes to a relationship, i suppose.  responsible to make sure that other person knows just how much they matter or how little you'd be without them.  responsible to put the little things to the side for the sake of not making mountains out of molehills.  responsible to work on things and think about things together instead of creating a civil war.  responsible to not drag that person down with you.

i wish love and life and loving life wasn't so complicated for me. i refuse to make excuses for my wrong doing, for my anger and my hatred and my selfishness.  i just wish there was some flashy memory messer-upper thingy that could erase it from my mind.  i'm ashamed, truth be told.

ashamed that i was loved and now i'm not.  ashamed that i have no one to blame for my failures but me.  ashamed that this is the first intellegent thing i have to share with people in years.  ashamed that i fooled myself into thinking this was right, now was the time, and everyone was ready.  i wasn't.

i suppose on a positive note, thoughts of removing myself from the mortal world seem to be at an all time low.  not because i'm not depressed, as i might be in worst emotional and mental shape then before, but because i don't have the balls to do it.  point blank. 

the sad part is, sometimes when i look to the heavens for strength, it's in hopes of doing something i can't take back.  truth be told. 

oh yeah, can't forget.
- yes, i'm getting divorced
- no, she's a lovely woman and deserves all the credit in the world for trying to love someone like me
- no i've never actually tried to kill oneself

figured i'd get those out of the way.

WARNING! THIS MIGHT SPOIL A SHITTY MOVIE!

Man, did Paranomal Activity suck dick or what? This movie made how much money? At least the Twilight movies have blood-hungry teenages and their parents to account for. But this movie? Fuck that.

1. Micah - Not only is this guy unbelievally stupid, but he was an incredible asshole the entire time. How many fucking times is he going to go out into the hallway and check on things? YOU CAN'T SEE IT! THAT'S THE FUCKING POINT!

2. The powder on the floor - So let me get this straight. We already know that its a demon, and we've already seen the shadow of the beast near the door way. Oh, and we've also heard his footsteps coming up the stairs. Now, can someone please explain what the point of putting powder on the floor was? Yes, I'm aware that the demon made footprints. But not only have we already established the presence of the demon, but it's already come into the room, slammed door, and stood next to bed.

3. Roller Coaster of Crap - This movie was so up and down, I'm surprised it didn't need a cigarette afterwards. Talking, Talking, Scary Thing. More Talking, More Talking, Something Scarier. Talking, Talking, Something not as scary as the last two things. Talking, Talking, Something Scary. Got to love any film maker who literally makes the important things less effective by putting other less effective things before it.

4. The ending - That's it? Seriously? He gets chucked into a camera and she's standing there with blood on her shirt. What a great ending. I had no idea that the demon has taken over the girls body.......oh, I mean except for the scene right before this where they reveal that THE DEMON HAS TAKEN OVER THE GIRLS BODY! The only thing "fresh" or even remotely scary about this is when she screams. That's it. Everything else had already been revealed, already done in the movie, or just wasn't that big of a deal by the end.

5. The Audience - I must have been the luckiest guy in the world. As soon as the movie ended, as I peered at the screen with a bewildered and disappointed look on my face, someone in the rows in front of me said exactly what I was thinking.

"That movie fucking sucked"

Yes......it sure did. I won't act like the movie didn't have some value to it. It was a good story to go off on, and I give them kudos for making as much money as they have. And thank god for the girl in this, as she and the "expert" were the only two believable characters. This movie has been on my mind since I saw it, and it has made me second guess a few choice noises in my house. But once this post ends, so does my ability to care about this movie.

So here's the deal. Some things have been really getting to me lately, and this might be one of like 3 ways I can get it out. I've pretty much given up on the idea of "acting", I apparently can't write for shit, and I'm about as good at writing/playing music as Stevie Wonders is at hunting.

see what i did there? anyways.

I present to you, the 5 people that will read this and probably click the back button quickly....

Sean's List of Pissing-ME-Off stuff -

1. Mr. Stands RIGHT in Front of the Elevator Doors as I'm Exiting.

First off, GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY. I get it. You want to be on the elevator as soon as possible. But why, when an elevator obviously is coming from a different floor, wouldn't you first thought be "oh, I bet people might be on this elevator. I might want to move out of the way". Now, here's my other beef.

Once you see that I am clearly standing in the elevator and am trying to exit....WHY DO YOU STILL KEEP WALKING INTO THE ELEVATOR! It's not rocket science. You see, I am leaving the elevator. There is only one way in and out......and it's the same way you are using to get it. But here's the kicker. You can't get in......if I don't get out first. See how that works?

2. Mr. and Mrs. Cross the Street Anytime You Please.

I don't even have a bit of "remorse" or "understanding" with this one. Either use a crosswalk or get the fuck out of my way. I shouldn't have to stop in the middle of rush hour traffic and get honked at because you want your smokes but can't be bothered to walk to the corner where the fucking store is anyways.

PS. There are these new things called Sidewalks too. Try them.

3. Mr. I Don't Like Something Simply Because it's Popular.

OK....what? You don't like this movie/song/band/book because other people like them? Are you seriously that much of an egomaniac that you now have to only enjoy things that are in the minority? Are you so superior to the rest of us that your tastes must be untouchable? Please let someone pop the God Complex you've got and fast.

NEWSFLASH! I enjoy the Beatles. Millions of people all over the world enjoy the Beatles. Does that make them mean less to me? Does that make them less enjoyable? No. So whatever "reason" you could possibly come up with for not liking something because it's popular is nothing but bullshit.

4. Mr. Repeats The Obvious

This one has it's exceptions, but the general idea is the same. You don't like something.....or someone......or you do like something....or someone. You've stated it once.....and I got it. You brought it up again.....and once again, I got it. If you seriously bring up the same topic....for a third time...and there's been no new developments....nothing new added to this adventure you keep spewing.....just stop talking.

I'm not saying I'm not interested in other people's lives. I am. I like listening and am happy to be an open ear to those around me. But for the love of God, if I've heard it before, why do you keep bringing it up? Our conversation isn't going to go differently. You are going to say something, and I'm going to react.

IF YOU KEEP SAYING THE SAME SOMETHING, I'M GOING TO REACT THE SAME WAY.

I don't think I could put it better than that.

5. Cell Phone Auto Texting

So, I noticed in my manual that you "adapt" to the words I use the most......really? I have to use the word "if" at least once every day. So why do you keep suggesting the word ME? I would understand if I used ME a lot. But I don't...and the reason I know I don't is because I have to switch from ME to IF every time I try to type IF.

Same goes with OF. I rarely use that word....so why would it magically be the word I want to use?

6. Email Spell Check

I don't really have a bone to pick with Spell Check. I try to use it all the time.....but you know, it's kind of demeaning. I used to be under the impression that I had this English thing down. Apparently, I don't. Sure, I can type fast, but what does that add up to when you have the spelling and grammar skills of a 11 year old?

7. Mr. or Mrs. I'm Upset Because of the Bad Tip I Got.

Just a quick bit of advice for anyone who is currently a waiter/waitress or might be one in the future. Just because you got a bad tip or no tip at all.....does not mean that I'm going to give you a tip for shitty service.

I'm not sure what it says in the employee's hand guide, but I'm willing to bet money that no where does it say "If you get a bad tip, feel free to treat the next set of customers like crap. They'll completely understand and give you a tip too!"

Give me a break, grow up, and understand that you are working in an industry that might bite you in the ass a time or two. Maybe think about those hard working people at McDonald's or something. No one ever works at McDonald's because they want to. They have to put up with pushing and rude people almost every hour of the day, making minimum wage, and they don't even get tips.

Maybe instead of thinking "I can't believe they didn't give me a tip! What jerks!", you could try thinking "Hmm, they didn't give me a tip. Maybe I should try thinking of what I might have did wrong or just chalk this one up as a jerk and leave it at that".

8. Skate Shoes

OK, my main issue here is actually with the parents that buy their kids these shoes. Do us all a favor, and either throw them away or teach your child to stop fucking running into me at Wal Mart. Now I don't feel like I have any right to tell parents what they should or should not buy their kids. But if you aren't going to teach them manners with these new fancy toys, who will?

9. Skittles Gum

When did Skittles Gum go away? And here's a better question. Why? Skittles Gum was amazing, even if I always ended up accidentally swallowing it because of it's amazing taste. OK...so maybe not always accidentally, but that's not the point. Also, I don't honestly feel like I should have received any kind of notice. I don't work for Mars or anything. I guess I'm just going through the motions.

10.Lazy People

Did you know you can purchase things from a gas station online and have them delivered to your house?

Seriously....why? Have we as a culture become so lazy that we can't even hop in a car and run to a gas station? America has been the forefront in creating a world that caters to those that live in it. Now, while this may seem like a modern marvel, it's not. We are all just fucking lazy.

-----------------------------

I think that's all for now. so yeah...that was nice.

questionOFTHEblog:

If you had one super power besides flying or "every power", what would it be?

High School Romancical 3

"you know, if it makes you feel any better......"

i'm not really sure who exactly came up this particular statement, but fuck that guy. because you know what? NOTHING that comes after the word "better" actually makes me feel better, which i can only assume was the original meaning behind it's creation.

for instance

"if it makes you feel better, my dad left when I was 5 too"

Oh really? your father left you when you were at a young age? WOW. totally makes my day better hearing about your domestic issues. why not just throw in some aids and a daycare catching on fire. whats that? your mother was a drug addict too?

best
day
ever

because if there's one thing that makes me feel better, its listening to someone spew morbid stories at me in an attempt to "make me feel better" when in reality, they are making a comparison of how shitty something was for them, compared to how shitty something is to me.

NOW of course there's always going to be an exception to the rule. someone's going to say something that invokes a laugh or a smile or just a warm fuzzy feeling. but really think about it for a second. how many times does that happen on an average? which of the two is more common?

i'm willing to bet you (yes, you) a klondike bar that my example is more likely. actually, scratch that. i like choco-tacos better.

<-----insert segway from one topic to another here ----->

note to self: big font kicks ass.

second note to self: smallest font is harder to read

-----

so i read recently that tiger escaped from the kansas city zoo. instead of being able to catch this big kitty, they had to shoot it. frankly, i'd probably jump to shoot it first, then maybe try to catch it. anywayz

as the investigation went on, someone asked how the tiger got out. the reason the tiger got lose was because the trainer left the door open on his cage.

....

are you fucking kidding me?

---

now, first off, why did it take so long for someone to ask "how did the tiger get out". perhaps i'm just being overly analitical here, but i've always been under the impression that this question was a big one. perhaps the biggest? ok, maybe not the biggest......but certainly the first.

"tiger got out of the cage"

"how'd that happen"

HOW did that conversation not happen asap? who the hell is like

"tiger got out of the cage"

"oh really? lets go watch the seals."

now, it'd be one thing if they didn't discuss it because they were chasing after the tiger..

but no.

the tiger was found, and shot....days later. thats right. for a short period of time, there was a live tiger just roaming KC. thank god he didn't make it gates BBQ.

I'm sure you are wondering when the stupidity stops......well, not anytime soon. you see, the trainer who left the cage open was punished.....by the dreaded SLAP ON THE HAND (of doom). atleast he had a fantastic reason why he left the door open. you ready for this amazing reasoning that could never be debated in any fashion ever?

he had to pee.

and to think, i thought that line only worked for Forrest Gump. silly me. remind me to use that one next time i'm under the spot light. "why did you murder that hooker?" "I had to pee" "oh.....ok."

So just so all my ducks are in a row......if I work for the KC Zoo and accidentally let a tiger out, and then take my sweet ass time finding the tiger, and then kill the tiger instead of actually capturing it.....i'm still cool? fan-f'n-tastic

ps. fuck africa. not the actual africa. i'm talking about that 4 mile track of sweaty, not cool animals that had only 3 benches and 1 drink stand. might as well call that part of the zoo Iraq.

heart on my sleeve part 2

so, lets recap. sean meets girl. girl likes sean. girl breaks up with sean because of lack of confidence. sean LEARNS A LESSON. shall we continue?



HEART ON MY SLEEVE PART 2 - Teddy girl.



Weird name? I mean, weird in comparison to "girl with glasses". what can i say? i enjoy leaving hints as to who i'm talking about, but only enough for the actual person to get. i'm sneaking like that.



as the thespian i was, it was essentical for a guy like me to meet everyone. if you had a name and a face, by the end of the day...i had to know it. thats the kind of addiction that don't get fun shows on vh1. i'm addicting to meeting people....and their faces. onward.



it was a sunny afternoon towards the beginning of the year (my junior year to be exact...noticing a pattern?) and as the theatre junkies we were, what better place to spend a sunny afternoon then in a dark, hot auditorium? NO PLACE, THATS WHERE! as i went around introducing myself to all the new faces, like i was getting ready to run for govenor of high school or something. faces and hands and names wooshed by in a flurry of new friends and potential lady friends. when one particular hand, face, and name stopped me in my tracks.



i'm usually not a fan of the whole "love at first sight" thing since anyone can look at another person and smile and feel warm and fuzzy about it. it takes time to get to know someone and find out who they are before you can really appricate them. yet, as her hidden smile and small soft hands connected with mine, i couldn't help but feel...different. a "holy shit, i totally need to talk to this girl" type feeling.



ever made a new friend, and the second you're not hanging out with them, you think "wow....that person is SO COOL. i need to spend as much time possible with them" yeah, it was like that. on a personal note, wouldn't that suck for me if i'm the only one thats ever felt that way?



as the days went by, i got closer and closer to her. i'd like to think that "we" got closer, but frankly, i did all the listening while SEAN was still a mystery. but she had alot to say, and by that time, i was hooked. she could have literally read me the instruction manual for a 1995 Ford F150 truck. i can remember one particular occasion where we talked on the phone from 6pm to about 3 am. for those that can't count, or don't believe in time, thats 9 hours. thats longer then some people are awake each day. granted, i'd end up beating that record later in life, but thats a different entry.

the funny thing about meeting a beautiful girl is that when you notice her.....so does pretty much everyone else. no matter how much i tried and how much i put my name in the "hat" so to say, i was still overlooked by someone better looking, someone smarter, someone cooler. you want to know the best part? all these people that i was being overlooked for.....good to great friends of mine. guys that i had spend a great deal of high school wishing i could be instead of the existance i was living.

BUT WAIT! There's More!

a true breaking point for me was valentines day. we were out of town at a NFL tournament (forensics for those that didn't get the reference right off the bat) and i had stopped at 3 different stores before arriving, just to find the perfect rose. sure, stop no. 1 had the cheapest ones....and sure stop no. 2 had a two for one sale. but it was stop no.3 that sealed the deal. there it was, wrapped up in plastic, the perfect rose, with the perfect steam, attached to the perfect teddy bear.

i snatched that bad boy up, placed it in my bag next to my home made card, and left for my heart-filled adventure. this is the point of the story where i'd like to say everything went awesome. but it didn't. everything went to shit. as i arrived with my carefully considered gift in hand, her hands were already filled.

left hand: dozen roses

right hand: another guy's hand

and...i...was...crushed. who wouldn't be? after all this time, i thought today was the day. the confetti was going to drop from the ceiling and trumpets would play and we would be carried out on a sea of romance. ok, so only part of that would have happened....the sea part to be specific (see skyla, i can spell specific correctly...just can't say it)

SOOOOOOOOOO

Fast forward >>>>>> a few months, and there we were. recently broken up with sean, dealing with his confidence issues and learning how to be a man. recently broken up with teddy girl, with a crushed sense of whats real in the world and looking for someone to listen

wait.....I LISTEN! *raises hand*

(girl voice) "Alright sean, come on over."

And thats how the real relationship began. the spending every moment together, holding hands, walking to lockers, eating lunch together. it was fantastic, and just what the doctor ordered for both of us. but, as most good things are, it didn't last.

didn't last at all.

and thats' where the lesson came into play.

you see, while i was living in my perfect relationship fantasy, she was off with the guys previously stated. if there is anything that could ever crush a young man's confidence the most, its having your girlfriend spend more time with your friends then you. even though i do have sexy friends.

soon, the relationship ended. i was fed a reason that to this day i still question. i was told i had everything to offer, but apparently not, since she was leaving regardless. And to be quite honest, i deserved it. there was only one person in the relationship building it up to be this huge thing, when in reality, it was 2 people who connected and liked each other....and cared...just not as much.

So, thanks to the beautiful girl at number 2, my lesson learned was

THINGS ARE NEVER WHAT THEY SEEM

I learned to take away any expectations I had built up for a relationship, and just let it happen. for better or for worse. people who place limitations on love, are only limiting themselves. NOT LONGER ME.


well, stay tune for the next installment. should be a good one. it involves a storied, years long relationship.....that never really happened. Kinda like St. Elsewhere.

ps. kudos to anything that got the St. elsewhere reference.

heart on my sleeve part 1

over the next few posts, i've decided to dedicate it to the women of my past that have shaped my future. its only fair that each important girl gets her time in the literal spot light. so here we go.

Part 1 of Heart On My Sleeve


women.

need I say more?

in order for this to be a somewhat interesting post, i suppose its only logical to say more...but i think i made my point. as a man, women have perplexed me for YEARS. now don't get me wrong, as i'm sure i'm just a complex. i'm confusing, frustrating, and a handful to boot.

what the hell does "to boot" mean anyway? i digress

i've been with alot of women in my short life time. i don't really mean "sexually", but just with. being in the company of, dating, holding hands with, etc. i'd love to say that each of them was amazing and memorable..but some weren't. and while some of them weren't worth the time (and even more probably thought the same about me) these women changed me and shaped who i am today. so this one is for the ladies (random flight of the conchords reference)

i seem to have this habit of falling into relationships, without really trying. perhaps i just happened to be the master of right place, right time. or maybe i'm like the relationship highlander and i made my own destiny. yes, i am fully aware of how recockulous that thought is. i know there may be those out there that saw me as an "opportunist" but i assure you i was not. for instance:

My first real relationship lasted 4 days. yeah, i'm sure thats some kind of record. did i also mention that it wasn't until my junior year of high school? should i get the loser stamp or just a permanent L on my forehead? i had know this girl for a while, but never really got to know her. one bus ride would change that forever.

sitting alone, glaring out the window as trees, cars, and people who were clearly enjoying themselves more then I passed by. all of a sudden, i felt the literal plop of someone sitting down right next to me. and the words that followed will always be with me. "ugh...i hate guys"

who doesn't, right? and as being the wondering person that i try to be, i decided it was only polite to engage in "whats wrong" conversation. after all, she took the time to save me from boredom (and loserdom). apparently, good looking girls with smart and funny personalities love assholes. not just any asshole, but big asshole. you'd think will the amount of women out there who love assholes, guys wouldn't be the stereotypical advocate for anal sex.

she had just ended a year relationship a few weeks ago, and wouldn't you know it, the guy just wouldn't stop. so i decided to stop it for her. i reached over, grabbed her phone out of her mad texting hand, and put it in my back pocket. with a look of rage and bewilderment, she responded with a sigh and a thank you. as the hours and mile markers past, so did our list of topics. we talked about everything from music i hate, to strippers she likes, to why we had never stopped and had a conversation before. just a great old time.

by the end of the bus ride, we had been sitting and talking so much that we both fell asleep. this would be the first time that someone snuggled up next to me, giving me a feeling i would crave for years to come (fuck you. snuggling is awesome) at the very end of the night, as we both woke up from our school bus slumber, I was greeted with a cute smiling facing looking up at me. she leaned in close, my heavy nervous breath making a mark on her glasses. one kiss later, and i was hooked.

skip ahead a few weeks, and i'm taking this pretty lady to the junior prom. we danced the night away, had some great laughs, some great eats, and i totally got to make out with her. i usually don't try to sound like a 13 year old boy, but what the hell....i got to make out for the first time. pretty big deal to a teenage boy. at the end of the night, i was once again greeted with a smiling face, looking up at me as she woke up from falling asleep on my lap. btw, i must have the most comfortable lap because atleast 10 ladies have fallen asleep on it. maybe i just have fat thighs.

4 days later, i was given a note while walking thru the halls. see, high school was SO much easier when it came to giving someone bad news. all you had to do was write it in a note, assign someone familiar with the situation to deliver it, and ignore the shit out of that person for the rest of the day. although i must say the green glitter gel pen did kind of soften the blow.

"dear sean,

i find that your lack of confidence is not only unattractive, but also annoying. if you want me to have confidence in our relationship, you have to have confidence in yourself first.

you're a great guy, and i really like talking to you. but i could never be with someone like that.

sorry,
girl"

sure, not a word for word account, but you get the general idea. after all these weeks of building up and anticipation, i had fallen in a trap i set myself. thats right....i Wiley C oyote myself. but it had to happen, and it had to happen that way. how else would i understand that confidence is everything? no one is going to be able to make something of my life unless i do it, as well as no ones going to want to be with me if i didn't want to be with me as well. ehh...makes sense in my head.

So this one is for you, girl with the glasses, as you taught me my first lesson in love.

BE CONFIDENT

and this concludes part one of a several part series. tune in next time to see how i screw up a possibly successful relationship and learn yet another lesson in...

i'm a loose bolt, of a complete machine

i've been trying not to let little things bother me, but there's something that always seems to get on my nerves and i'm not sure that i'm in the wrong for being upset by it. here's the story

when i get in my car, my cd player will automatically start either a. the cd you were listening to last or b. the radio. typical car function, right? wrong! you see, my car, if i had a cd in there, likes to start about 30 seconds to a minute past the portion of the song that i paused/stopped the car at. i've mentioned in the past my deep love for music, and how it effects me on a daily basis.

now i'm aware that a. its only a few moments of music that i'm missing out on and b. i can rewind it if it bothers me that much. but its the principle of that matter. when i'm listening to a song, and i have to pause the song, its typically for a good reason. thats not my issue. my issue is that if i stop listening to a song at point b, i don't want to pick back up at point c. i want to hear point b and c.

it'd be like if was trying to watch CSI. I watched 10 minutes of this 30 min program, and pause it to do the dishes. it takes me 30 mins to do the dishes. when i go to finish watching the program, instead of it starting at the spot where i paused it, it starts 5 mins later. I've officially missed 5 possibly crucial moments of this show.

i'm sure some of you are thinking "sean....you listen to alot of the same music...shouldn't you already know the songs, so you don't have to worry about missing any of it". some of you might also be thinking "what are you worrying about? you don't even listen to full songs anyways"

well, to those people i say.......good point.

i'm sure i'm just splitting hairs over here, but it does get annoying. i enjoy singing in my car (don't bother asking me to in front of you..i wont.) and it'd be nice to pick back up at "you're my precious little girl" when attempting to jam out to they might be giants in my 2 door ford.

on another, somewhat related note. the only good song coldplay has ever made was yellow. anytime 96.5 the buzz plays a coldplay song that is not yellow, it annoys me. not because "I can't take listening to coldplay" because i can. mainly because they play them so often. i'm not a big fan of "mainstream" radio. they claim they play what you want, but we all know otherwise. more like "we play what is popular right now, in hopes that since you are listening to us, you will like these songs"

i'm fully aware of my alternatives to radio, including different radio stations or xm radio. but here's the thing. its a machine. one day, a record company will start being really nice to your radio station. then the next you know, your radio station will start getting either some really nice cool prizes or some exclusive songs/interviews. that's when the real trouble begins. once your radio station starts getting some pretty swank free stuff or publicity, then its 'payback' time. next you know, that song you heard once or twice last week is now on every hour on the hour.

talk radio isn't much better either. not for the same reasons, obviously, but still somewhat. i don't want to hear you talk about stuff that you care about. as a radio show host, i know you have creative freedom to talk about what ever you want. but as the listener, if its not something i would be talking about as well, then i don't care. the only exception is if what you are talking about is so interesting, that i want to listen and talk.

i've always thought it would be fun being a radio host. i don't think i have the voice for it though. i squeak sometimes since i'm apparently still a 22 year old man stuck in a 15 year old's body. nor do i have the degree that apparently you need. i also heard if you are good, you get paid good. if your not, well i think you can figure that part out.

well, lets see. i went from being upset at my cd player in my car, to disliking radio now days, to my former future aspirations to be a radio show host. pretty busy for the total of 9 people that will read part of this, get bored, and probably never make it to this attempt at predicting the future and making a joke.

i digress

-sean

questionOFTHEday-

desert island
long extention cord
dvd player and tv
only one movie....

and as a reply to last week
yes sometimes i do end up answering my own questions
for instance - Motion City Soundtrack- I Am The Movie.
typical answer for me, but really the only cd I could listen to and never really ever get tired of it.

spent most of last night dragging this lake, for the corpses of all my past mistakes

i find it somewhat ironic that I used to "blog" all the time when I was younger, before it was even considered "blogging". and yet here I am only a few years removed, and I can't think of anything to write. thats some crazy shit. maybe i should just write about blogging.

i do enjoy the fact that within my "blog", I get to create my own rules and regulations of how I want to proceed with writing. for example, I'm not a big fan of capitolizing words, hince why there isn't at the beginning at my sentences. yet I still attempt to capitolize my "I"s. I don't do a very good job sometimes, but atleast I try.

i also like to use song lyrics or titles as my title. sometimes it has something to do with what i'm writing about. most of the time its just a song thats in my head at the time, and i figure what the hell. i think this is the first time that i've had a blog title before i actually had the blog. guess i just had a song in my head.

its been a few years since i really sat down and wrote one of these, or done it on a consistant basis. a lot has changed since then. perhaps one of these days i will sit down and write about that. but for now, i think i'm done.

however, before i go, i will do something i enjoy oh so much.

questionOFTHEday:

stuck on a island
nothing but cd player and an infinite amount of batteries
but one cd to listen to

which cd?